Search Me, O God

Psalm 139 is one of those chapters that I've always known about but never really studied. I've been making an attempt at memorizing it lately, but alas, I have been lazy about the last 8 verses or so.... and I'm due to be done tomorrow! Well, I think I'll get it done, but first I needed to mention something that a good friend of mine and I realized as we were memorizing these verses. The most commonly quoted verse out of this chapter is probably verse 14 which says:

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works. My soul knows it very well."

This is a great verse (of course in the end they all are). It speaks to the majesty of God. It speaks of our proper response in seeing the grandeur of His creation: praise. We should not think highly of ourselves when we realize the intricacy with which God designed us (vv. 13,15). Instead, we think highly of Him and of His works. David is humbled by the facts he is reciting on the paper rather than puffed up.

And I've missed this fact for a long time.

Before, the verse used to make me feel quite nice. As if God had made me special and that he focused so much on me because I was so valuable to Him and He loved me so much. Yet David mentions emotions that don't seem to go along with this picture: "fearfully" made? What is so fearful about my composition? It is the fact that once David realized how intimately acquainted God was with every facet of his life, he realized not only God's power, but God's exhaustive knowledge of every inch of his being.

He realized God had access to his thought life (v.2). He realized God had knowledge of his daily routine (vv.2-3). Some of these things America attributes to Santa Claus at Christmas time ("sees you when you're sleeping", "knows when you're awake"), but how often does one hear about how much God sees into our lives? Are we willing to admit that God is keeping a list that He doesn't have to check twice because He's so perfectly holy and can't miss a single sin? When we are truly acquainted with our sinfulness as David was (Ps 51:3), we begin to understand why he asks questions like

"Where shall I go from your Spirit, or where shall I flee from Your presence?" (7)

David at this time is not exactly taking comfort in the fact that God knows every minute detail about his life. God's omnipresent, omniscient power is overwhelming and David feels like he needs an escape hatch. But there is nowhere to go. David is trapped. And in fact, it is the Lord who is trapping him:

"You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me." (5)

The Lord does not let David go from His grasp. I am thankful that the Lord caught me, trapped me, and did not let me go. I would have been long gone now were it not for the grace afforded me. With all the talk about light and dark, it seems clear that God is the one who exposes, and David (men) is the one who conceals by nature. However, David does well by the end of the Psalm to plead with God to search him and reveal any "grievous way" (24). Upon realization of the truth that God sees and knows all, David has responded to the exposure of his own sin not by passively accepting it, but actively pursuing it.

How many times do you actively pursue the exposure of your own sin? I know that for me it is certainly not an exciting proposition to find out how big of a failure I am. Nevertheless, the more one pursues the light of God to shine into their lives, the more they grow. In fact I just experienced this recently, when another good friend called and apologized for wrongs committed some time ago. The relationship was not damaged further, it was healed! God is eager to forgive. Confession of sin can only mend the relationship (1 John 1:9) and never harm it, since God already knows what you've done! As the Word says:

"A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise" (Ps 51:17).

God is not looking to browbeat His children. He may chastise them, as a loving father should, but the goal is never humiliation with one of His own. It is restoration. Confession of and destruction of sin are too healthy to be neglected. If you're having trouble finding some (arrogant as that may seem, it happens. Then you realize later how arrogant it was...), pray to the Lord and ask Him to search you and show you your sinfulness. Then you can proceed with putting it to death.